After more than a few weeks fannying about with the same pound or two I drove home from group last week and wondered if it was worth it?
Again yesterday the question rose it’s head, I feel that the entire year has been a bit of a waste. Surely I could weigh at home and save myself £5.00 a week.
But then I spent a while looking at my book and its correct that I’ve not lost nearly as much as I could of, but I’ve still lost 10lb.
Also I know myself, I lost weight previously then stopped going and I put on a couple of pound and then put on a couple more and before I knew it I had put on all what I had lost and a further stone or two!!
I know that If I weigh at home I just won’t feel as accountable as when I go to group.
It’s kept me on the path, there may have been times that I’ve strayed but because I’m going and paying that £5 I’ve stuck with it.
Going to group stops me free falling into gaining weekly.
I can share with the people that are there and talk face to face about our weeks.
I have the support of a consultant who has helped hundreds of other achieve their goals.
So is it all worth it? Absolutely!!
My husband and I booked the holiday in the summer of 2016 and then kept it a secret until Christmas when we did a big reveal. We put a Mickey shaped plaque inside a huge wrapped box with instructions to watch the really dorky video “vlog” that we had made for the kids to watch. The giggles Paul and I had as we tried to record it! Which was late on Christmas Eve (I have no idea why we left it that late to prepare) it was so exciting to announce that this years summer holiday was going to be to Disney World Florida.
From Christmas onwards I was all about watching as many Disney planning and Disney holiday vlogs as I could, I researched the best food, the best rides, what to pack how to plan your days….I was a one woman Disney planning machine! I didn’t want to miss anything.
To a certain extent it all worked, although I was worried it was going to feel like a military operation but by the time we got there I had relaxed into it and plans, although made were very fluid. It was nice to have a guide to our day but I wanted to be able to go with the flow rather than stick rigidly to a strict schedule and that worked perfectly for me.
My children are 9 and 13 so will definitely remember all of the magical memories we made. Every day they declared was the best day ever, and countless times I found myself holding back the tears as I watched their faces light up with delight and awe at the wondrous sights and experiences. I kept telling them this was a once in a lifetime experience (although I have plans to save as many pennies as possible so that we can make the trip again) albeit I may be taking my grandchildren!
The number of photos taken was insane and I was so proud of the fact that the dedication and perseverance to my weight loss journey meant that I was 5 stone lighter and happily posed for everyone of them. This as many a larger girl (or guy) will appreciate is a huge accomplishment, pre weight loss; numerous photos were taken, rejected, taken again until I found one where I was suitably well hidden and didn’t look too hideous.
The confidence that loosing weight has given me is fantastic, I felt fit enough to walk around all day. I didn’t worry about fitting on the rides or being judged if I was eating a giant Mickey cookie or having a Diet Coke. (Again larger readers may understand both of these, or this might be just me?)
So I am feeling blessed, for my life, my family and my health. The only question is what next?
Why when I’m feeling quite positive and those goals are within sneezing distance, do I do it? I can’t even explain how it comes about, apart from it being completely subconscious.
Yesterday I posted on Instagram this picture, and the blouse actually fits me. But by that night I find myself “finishing” off my sons burger, then I have a milkshake, followed a bit later by some sweets and then some more sweets……….ok so it wasn’t a massive binge, but I knew I was messing up the entire day and I didn’t care.
Until this morning, this morning I care, this morning I feel rubbish, this morning I’m sitting here wondering why, when things are going well, I let myself down.
As most modern day people I’ve googled it, self sabotage is actually about control and not fully believing I will actually succeed so deliberately controlling the outcome so that I don’t.
I know I have self esteem and self confidence issues, although most of the time I can successfully pretend I don’t. I need to address the voice I hear from the inside.
I’m hoping that writing down this last episode will help me recognise the sabotage elements and help me to not repeat them. I know I can loose the weight I want to. I know I can get to target, my actions may mean I won’t do it by the date that I wanted to, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get there at all.
From here on in I am going to practice:
• Finding something positive about myself to celebrate everyday
• Challenge any negative self-talk
I already strive to practice having a positive outlook, I guess it makes sense to also work on having a positive inlook.
Last week on my slimming world journey I participated in a 777 challenge, for those of you not versed in slimming world, it’s a non endorsed challenge where you follow the basic plan but ensure that you eat 7 speed foods a day, have at least 7 glasses of water and limit syns to 7. There were lots of people on instagram doing it and as my weight had maintained the previous week, I thought it would be a great boost. Overall the week was early good, it made me plan my days a bit better to make sure I had my 7 speed foods and I actually found the syn limitation ok. So one week later, feeling fab I bounced in to group fully expecting a massive loss, I would probably also get slimmer of the week and the contents of the “box”
What I actually got was half a pound loss!
Then I have to sit there and listen how Mary* is so chuffed with loosing 3, even though she had a Chinese at the weekend and two bottles of wine! (*Although the scenario is true Mary is a totally fictional name).
I was gutted, I had tried hard, did I deserve more? Absolutely! – do we always get what we deserve? – Nope! But I have invested so much in loosing this excess weight, I tried, it didn’t work that’s all. Everyone if different, everybody’s body is different. This is the beginning of another week, I am so proud of how far I have come, I can and will get to my target.
All this said I would say the challenge is worth a go, you might get a really good weightloss boost. Or you might learn something new about the amount of speed you actually eat, if your taking in enough water, or counting your syn’s correctly? You never know unless you try?
I sat in a consultants room and was told that without surgery my heart would give up within the next 3 years. I was scared, I was worried, but I was also immensely thankful. You see just a couple of months earlier at just 39 I had had a stoke, I’m sure by now your wondering why I was thankful? But because of the tests that had been done, they had heard the heart murmur and had investigated further discovering I needed an aortic valve replacement and aneurism repair! To be honest I had put the shortness of breath and struggle to get around down to me being so overweight. Without the stroke I would never of gone to the gp with my symptoms, I would of just carried on until, well just until.
The months that followed, were dark I cried daily and was convinced that I would not make it through. As much as I knew I should, I couldn’t bring myself to tackle my weight before surgery, I mean who wants to spent their last days on earth on a diet?? This was closely followed by the guilt, that if I died, I would of let my children down so I cried some more.
Happily that is not the end of my story, The surgery was done and January 2016 marked the beginning of finally addressing my weight, it’s been slow but that’s ok. I’m getting there, I owe this to myself, to my children and for all those prayers through my tears.
Oh my, this is it! I’ve finally started a blog! I can’t lie, it’s really scary and I have no clue as to what happens next 😯 I’ve not long found instagram and totally love sharing my life in little squares. Although at 41 I wonder if I’m a little bit too old to be going digital. But nether the less, here I am!
I work full time, am a married mum of two and I’m currently loosing weight by following the slimming world plan. Why I think I have enough time to blog I have no idea?!