Self Sabotage

Why when I’m feeling quite positive and those goals are within sneezing distance, do I do it? I can’t even explain how it comes about, apart from it being completely subconscious.
Yesterday I posted on Instagram this picture, and the blouse actually fits me. But by that night I find myself “finishing” off my sons burger, then I have a milkshake, followed a bit later by some sweets and then some more sweets……….ok so it wasn’t a massive binge, but I knew I was messing up the entire day and I didn’t care.
Until this morning, this morning I care, this morning I feel rubbish, this morning I’m sitting here wondering why, when things are going well, I let myself down.
As most modern day people I’ve googled it, self sabotage is actually about control and not fully believing I will actually succeed so deliberately controlling the outcome so that I don’t.
I know I have self esteem and self confidence issues, although most of the time I can successfully pretend I don’t. I need to address the voice I hear from the inside.
I’m hoping that writing down this last episode will help me recognise the sabotage elements and help me to not repeat them. I know I can loose the weight I want to. I know I can get to target, my actions may mean I won’t do it by the date that I wanted to, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get there at all.
From here on in I am going to practice:
• Finding something positive about myself to celebrate everyday
• Challenge any negative self-talk
I already strive to practice having a positive outlook, I guess it makes sense to also work on having a positive inlook.



SW 777 Challenge

Last week on my slimming world journey I participated in a 777 challenge, for those of you not versed in slimming world, it’s a non endorsed challenge where you follow the basic plan but ensure that you eat 7 speed foods a day, have at least 7 glasses of water and limit syns to 7. There were lots of people on instagram doing it and as my weight had maintained the previous week, I thought it would be a great boost. Overall the week was early good, it made me plan my days a bit better to make sure I had my 7 speed foods and I actually found the syn limitation ok. So one week later, feeling fab I bounced in to group fully expecting a massive loss, I would probably also get slimmer of the week and the contents of the “box”

What I actually got was half a pound loss!

Then I have to sit there and listen how Mary* is so chuffed with loosing 3, even though she had a Chinese at the weekend and two bottles of wine!  (*Although the scenario is true Mary is a totally fictional name).

I was gutted, I had tried hard, did I deserve more? Absolutely! – do we always get what we deserve? – Nope! But I have invested so much in loosing this excess weight, I tried, it didn’t work that’s all. Everyone if different, everybody’s body is different. This is the beginning of another week, I am so proud of how far I have come, I can and will get to my target.

All this said I would say the challenge is worth a go, you might get a really good weightloss boost. Or you might learn something new about the amount of speed you actually eat, if your taking in enough water, or counting your syn’s correctly? You never know unless you try?



3 Years

I sat in a consultants room and was told that without surgery my heart would give up within the next 3 years. I was scared, I was worried, but I was also immensely thankful. You see just a couple of months earlier at just 39 I had had a stoke, I’m sure by now your wondering why I was thankful? But because of the tests that had been done, they had heard the heart murmur and had investigated further discovering I needed an aortic valve replacement and aneurism repair! To be honest I had put the shortness of breath and struggle to get around down to me being so overweight. Without the stroke I would never of gone to the gp with my symptoms, I would of just carried on until, well just until.

The months that followed, were dark I cried daily and was convinced that I would not make it through. As much as I knew I should, I couldn’t bring myself to tackle my weight before surgery, I mean who wants to spent their last days on earth on a diet?? This was closely followed by the guilt, that if I died, I would of let my children down so I cried some more.

Happily that is not the end of my story, The surgery was done and January 2016 marked the beginning of finally addressing my weight, it’s been slow but that’s ok. I’m getting there, I owe this to myself, to my children and for all those prayers through my tears.




An introduction

Oh my, this is it! I’ve finally started a blog! I can’t lie, it’s really scary and I have no clue as to what happens next 😯 I’ve not long found instagram and totally love sharing my life in little squares. Although at 41 I wonder if I’m a little bit too old to be going digital. But nether the less, here I am!

I work full time, am a married mum of two and I’m currently loosing weight by following the slimming world plan. Why I think I have enough time to blog I have no idea?!